Lep pozdrav

Niti ne vem, če je to pravi naslov za opis moje težave, a verjamem, da mi boste znali pomagati vsaj s parimi besedami.

Stara sem 21 let, prihajam iz sicer “normalne” družine, kjer me je predvsem oče vzgajal v stilu “Jaz imam vse prav”. Nikoli se mu nisem mogla upreti, imel je izpade nenadzorovanega besa, vendar me NIKOLI ni udaril. Nikoli se ni obremenjeval, če je koga po krivici obtožil, če si se želel za kakšno stvar braniti, si stvar le še poslabšal, saj je ponorel… (In to je le procent vsega, kar se je dogajalo pri nas;) )

To le na kratko. Sama sem več let v vezi in vedno bolj se bliža čas, ko se bo treba osamosvojiti. Fant me je prosil, da vam pišem, ker se sama ne znava več spoposti z mojo/najino težavo. Tudi sama imam te napade besa. Včasih ponorim brez razloga, drugič me ob rob spravi že nedolžna beseda. Vendar sama za razliko od očeta ne norim z dretjem in izpadom, pač pa hladnokrvno tolčem po človeku, izbiram nizke udarce, fant pravi, da sem takrat podobna pošasti in da iz mene veje čista zloba. Jaz pa mu verjamem. Drugače sem nežna oseba, po poklicu zdravstveni tehnik, izobražujem pa se za vzgojiteljico in res ne vem, če so moji napadi jeze primerni za otroke ;(

To nama uničuje vezo. Vem, da kljub ljubezni, bo fant nekega dne preprosto odšel.

Tudi drugi ljudje niso varni pred mano, a s fantom pač preživim največ časa in sva najbolj intimna, tako da največkrat pada po njemu. Izbiram pa besede, ki bolijo in njegova ignoranca, me še bolj podžge in takrat bi ga najraje ubila z besedami.

Naj povem, da ga res ljubim in tudi to, da se v tem napadu, ko ga želim psihično streti nekako zavedam, kaj počnem, ampak mi je vseeno. Takoj ko je tega konec, pa se zlomim, saj mi nekako ni jasno, kaj sem počela.

Ne potrebujem razlogov in opravičil, zakaj to počnem, prosim le za par besed o tem, kako naj sama in z njegovo pomočjo izbijem iz mene to jezo, ta bes, ki se naenkrat pojavi in prizadene osebo, ki jo resnično ljubim. Bojim se, da bom nekoč ta bes spravljala nad otroke…

Spoštovana Tamala, če ste zdravstveni tehnik, potem imate tudi nekaj znanja o psihiatriji.Tako tudi veste, da je v ozadju izpadov besa lahko tudi organska simptomatika, kij o je treba vsaj izključiti, da bi se lahko posvetili psihološki.Torej EEG,pregled delovanja ščitnice in krvnega sladkorja bodo kar potrebni.Dokler tega ne opravite , vam svetujem reno športno dejavnost, na primr reden, nekoliko pospešen tek in dovolj spanca.

Sicer si vprašala zdravnika za odgovor, pa ti ga dam še sama.

Praviš, da veš, da bo tvoj fant prej ali slej odšel, ker te ne bo več prenašal. Si kdaj pomislila, da imaš v sebi verjetje, da je bolje, da si sama, ker si tako grozna? Poznam teorijo Transkacijske analize in v njej je zelo lepo opisano, da imamo ljudje v sebi neke scenarije, ki jih živimo. Te scenarije doživljamo kot neko “tujo silo”, ki nas prisili, da se vedemo tako, kot se.

Torej, če res nimaš telesnih vzrokov za izbruhe in niti zasvojenost… recimo s hrano, delom, odnosi… ali čem drugim… ti res priporočam, da si prebereš malce o TA, o temah Igre, ki jih igramo v življenju.
Avtor je Eric Berne.
Tudi drugi so…. Steiner, hrvaška Nada Žanko, srbski Milivojevič…..

En text za pokušino:

WHAT IS A LIFE SCRIPT?

When we were young, we all had a vision of how the world was. And while we did not have the facilities to do reality testing, we decided how to behave, what to say and not say, what to feel or not feel and more, based on our perceptions. We received verbal and non-verbal messages that reinforced our conclusions. We knew what we had to do to survive, and, that’s what we did. We did whatever it took to get our needs met.

This is our life script. We wrote it and now as adults, we direct it and act in it, just like a good play. The problem is that what worked in childhood most likely is not working in adulthood. The other part of this issue is that our script operates at an unconscious level, out of our awareness. We may behave in certain ways and not be aware of what we are doing or why we are doing it.

The script is the source of games. We play games because we don’t or won’t ask for what we want directly. We learned asking for what we want did not work well as children, so we learned to play games to get our needs met. One example of this is the child who acts out to get attention, even if it is negative attention. The child may misbehave, get yelled at and maybe even spanked. The child knows that it needs STROKES, physical and psychological contact, to survive and grow. If the child can not get loving, nurturing attention, it will find a way to get ANY attention. This child’s script may be that he/she is not lovable and there is not enough love to go around. Carry this concept over into an adult relationship and the results can be disastrous.< One of the tenants of Transactional Analysis is to uncover the games, stop playing them and ask for what we want directly. This serves to terminate or change the old script and create a new, healthy script to live by. In the example above, I would work with the client to uncover the sources of the decision, teach the client how to reality test the decision and then invite the client to create a new decision. I would also teach the client new communications skills so he/she asks for what they want in a clean, direct manner. Often-times, understanding what they want is a more difficult process than asking for what they want. We classify scripts into three categories according to their content and outcome. They are: 1) Winning, 2) Losing or hamartic, 3) Non-winning or banal. Winning scrips accomplish a declared purpose and make the world a better place to live in. People living in the I+U+ quadrant of the OK CORRAL have winning scripts. Losing scripts are just the opposite and we find them in the I-U- quadrant as well as the I+U- quadrant. Banal or non-winning scripts are those that fall in between the winners and losers and we find them in the I-U+ quadrant. The owners of these scripts don’t make any big wins or losses and they are not risk takers. Additionally, losing scripts have degrees of severity according to the payoff or outcome of the script. The mildest of these is a first degree script and third degree scripts are the most serious. First degree scripts have losses and failures that are not severe enough to cause embarrassment or discomfort in the person’s social circle. An example of this might be that I lost control of my car on an icy pavement and ended up in the ditch. Second degree scripts are serious enough that they do not get discussed in the social environment. Instead of loosing control on the ice, I was under the influence of alcohol and I don’t want you to know. Third degree scripts are the most serious of scripts. These scripts have disastrous outcomes that end up in the court room, hospital or morgue. Maybe I was driving while drunk and killed someone. They end up in the morgue and I end up in jail. I created my business name from the concept of scripts. Everyone has a script. In fact, we have many scripts and to get the best out of life, we need to explore these scripts and make changes where necessary. Hence the name “Life Script Counseling Services.” I provide counseling, guidance and support that enables you to make new decisions and write a new script for yourself.